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Tuesday, 12 April 2016

I hate pigeons

There is not much that can done about pigeons. Once they decide that they want to be a part of your life, you can fight it, you can put up a resistance but eventally, the pigeon wins. The pigeon always wins and it is not even like they woo you or something. They are those lovers who'd continue courting you until you get tired and say 'yes'. A pigeon is relentless and has an air of 'I don't know what I am doing wrong' about itself.

This is a boring story of one such pigeon on my window and it is not for the frail of heart. I shifted to my new residence a while back and everything seemed nice until I was rudely awakened by the sound of a pigeon cooing. It sat right next to the window near my bed and had a whole family going. I was soon to learn some deep, dark secrets about the life of pigeons. These flying rats have zero sense of boundaries. And they take turns smashing each other on my window while making love to each other.

They aren't scared either. I had written a while back about sparrows and how shy they are. Well, pigeons are nothing like them. You can stare at them for minutes together and make sudden movements, they will study you, probably thinking how stupid you are while sitting calmly and making that cooing noise.

Their cooing is quite unsettling, trust me, I wake up to it everyday. It is the background score to a murder scene, if you ask me. A murder the pigeon has plotted while looking at you dead in the eye!

I tried to shoo them away twice or thrice and a day later, the pigeons took their revenge by dropping a deuce on the clothes I had hung to dry.

The mother soon laid eggs in the hideous and unorganized nest it had made so, shooing it away became unethical for a while. Then the baby bird came- fluttering, cooing and everything. I looked at the baby bird after a week and it stared me down. The same stare its parents had given me. I had to make them go away! I can't wake up with the panic attack everyday, I thought to myself. So, I make loud noises-

'Hush!'

'Go!'

'Fly away!'

The pigeon smirks. Its parents had moved out and now it was his nest. I bring out the mop and take it dangerously close to its face. It budges finally and flies away. I put the mop down and it returns. I shoo it away again. It returns after ten minutes. I use the mop to scare it again.

It comes back with its family, as if complaining about the human jerk.

They take turns while trying to sit in their hideous nest.

I shoo them all away and they keep coming back.

Today is the seventh day. I have given up. I have accepted them as family. Their cooing is now my alarm clock. I wake up in panic every day. I throw bread crumbs at them which they ignore. I try to feed them corn and THAT scares them. They fly away whenever they see my hand. I am a super scary monster to them now.

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