My Dubsmash Videos

How to find a bride in India? Simple steps.

How to find a bride in India?


To find a bride in India, one needs to give the impression that he is not interested in marriage, love or any suchlike distractions. One has to pretend to have tangible, attainable life goals. Whenever someone asks what you are doing with your life, you have to reply that you're preparing for civil services to at least qualify as a serious minded person.


Once everyone is convinced that you're a serious-minded person, this is what you need to do- assess your skills and talents. Then start pursuing higher studies in something which is completely opposite to your personal inclinations. You might ask what is the reason behind such diabolical behaviour. The answer to which is SHUT UP! You're not supposed to ask questions.


Moving on, once you're done with your education and are done eyeing all the pretty girls in your college, you develop a werewolf-like personality. Due to all the repression, your face develops scary features like dark circles, baldness etc. This is perfectly normal, you're on your way to getting married.


Now once you've acquired a graduate degree, look at your degree and enlist all the jobs suited for you. Now, take that list to the toilet and flush it. Start preparing for civil services, bank exams or other such institutions which offer jobs that require you to sit in a chair and analyze data for the government. Again, do not ask questions. The keyword here is 'government job'. Ok, two words. Keywords.


Anyway, now once you're 'settled', go to the marketplace with a cloth bag and ask for a bride. I am not kidding. Pick up that jhola and take your relatives for bride shopping. Whenever you are bargaining for a bride, assess all features like height, weight, colour (especially colour because dark ones are bad for some reason) etc. Once you have selected a bride suitable to your 'market value', just pick her up and put her in your bag. And here comes the best part, her relatives will pay YOU to take her away from them. Isn't it great?


All the best out there!

What is a hospital without H1N1 Swine Flu These Days?

Drawn specially for my interview with Blogadda.com

Top 5 ways every book reviewer covers up for the authors.

1. Dealing with bad grammer

2. Dealing with a dumb writer

3. Dealing with incomprehensible gibberish

4. Dealing with generic thrillers

5. Dealing with romance novels

Why did the paste commit suicide?

Book Review- The Room On The Roof- Ruskin Bond

I have a special attachment to this book because Ruskin Bond himself signed it for me. It has everything Ruskin stands for and more.

It's a story for young adults. The protagonist Rusty is a teen Anglo- Indian. There is a lot of adventure and coming-of-age stuff in the book. Ruskin's trademark humour doesn't leave him for one bit in the book. It makes the book much more than a delight. It's a gift you can give to a confused teen soul.

The innocent crush that Rusty has on Meena is the highlight ot the novel for me. If only our crushes were this kind to us!

The friendship that Rusty shares with Somi and Ranbir is also something remarkable. It reminds us to remain human and form bonds whenever possible because it's the best thing humans do.

The rebellious streak shown by Rusty makes one feel that Ruskin
must've kept his stepdad in mind while writing the character of the guardian. There is anger, there is triumph, there is everything in this small little book.

Ruskin also nails it with the descriptions of nature in his smalp little book. It has hints of the awesome writer. he is going to become later when he begins to describe the trees, the squirrels and the flowing river streams.

The part where Suri throws a going away party and everyone is happy to see him leave is painted pretty funnily. The bazaar and the chaat shop in Dehradun also find vivid descriptions in the novel.

The novel switches gears from misery to gaeity to tragedy to joy abruptly, much like life itself.

All in all, a lovable book.

The difficult job of a news editor.

Knives in Parliament

Dancing It Out With Indiblogger!!

My #DanceItOut cause- 

We had performed a small skit-based dance about #EducationForWomen in the event. It was a cause close to my heart because as a male member of the society I see women rising, fighting so many adversities and balancing all roles that we assign to them; it humbles me to walk this Earth with one of the most tolerant and benevolent species in the World i.e. Indian Women. This may seem far-fetched for a person belonging to a metropolitan but truth is that the subordinance of women's role in the society is still quite deep rooted in our society. I see even among my female colleagues this nonchalance about their career as they consider marriage their 'escape plan' from every challenge to their professional lives. You know you're fighting an evil demon when even the victims happily resign to their fates.

This ambition-killing exercise sickens me because of its sheer magnanimity in our society. Even the most educated ones take it for granted that a girl has to be married by 25-26, otherwise there is something seriously wrong. We have systematically eliminated her dreams to make room for our conveniences. The women who have broken this stereotype have to pass the test of 'balancing both lives' on a daily basis without uttering a word. And that's just the mild urban face of the problem.

In smaller cities and villages, the situation is much more dismal. It bears close resemblance to all the stereotypes we used in our dance performance. The boy is encouraged to study while the book is snatched away from the girl, she is encouraged, almost forced to learn cooking and other household work so that she can be married off to a 'respectable' family. Later, she is married off in almost a way one disposes off a huge burden from his shoulders. She is now tested on those generic parameters at her in-laws' home and God forbid if they don't like her 'house-making' skills, she is subjected to sharp critique and in some cases, harassment. During all this, her mental aptitude, her ambition, her education- it all just becomes a joke. A sad joke which isn't even funny. True, the pressure is much less in larger cities but this whole attitude is still prevalent as after years of training, now it is self-imposed.

I hope to see a change in this attitude through this post and if I can get my message across to even one person through this, if I can get them thinking, the purpose would be considered fulfilled.

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The Event

It was my first time at an Indiblogger Meet and I now realized what I had been missing till now. In collaboration with Zee TV's Dance India Dance, Indiblogger came to The Oberoi, New Delhi and took our breath away. It was a party that although began a bit late but when it did, it thumped its way all the way to our hearts. The DID judges Mudassar and Feroz danced and partied with the Indiblogger cool gang. As pointed out by the the dynamic host of the evening, it was 'Dance India Dance' and not 'Sit India Sit' so, all of us were given chances to #DanceItOut. Live tweets were displayed on the giant screens in the ballroom, it was fascinating to see the power of social media come alive. It was one big happy family. I was almost a recluse though, humbled by the sheer aura of the event and celebs; also this hot girl was sitting right by my side which made me sort of nervous and jittery. Times like these I wish I was more of an extrovert and had the power to talk to women. Anyway, when she stood up she was like way taller than me, it'd not have worked out. So, grapes are sour. Anyway, I am deviating. I also saw so many celebs from the blogging universe like Anukriti Sharma et al, whose blogs inspire me to create better stuff, but didn't really have the courage to go up and say 'hi'. Maybe next meet. :D

I did meet some amazing bloggers and made friends too. Here are a few photos of mine with Deepika, Swarn, Divyanshu, Yogita and of course Nimi.

I did meet a few friends viz Nimi Vashi (Readers' Cosmos) and Monica Verma (The Forthright). I am proud to say that both my friends left an indelible mark on the event. Nimi through her Amitabh Bachchan-wala step. (She won headphones for that! You go Nimi!!) and Monica through her Lungi Dance stole the show.
The judges were really sporty and they even taught us their signature moves from the the theme song of Dance India Dance. It was a gala time. Later we were served dinner. Now, this is not a food blog but the Bhuna Gosht (Lamb) was particularly delicious and I thoroughly enjoyed the mango pudding too. There was an open bar and I am so sad that I had to hurry back home which meant I couldn't get my hands on the drinks. All in all, it was a fun event. And yeah! We got cool Indiblogger DID mugs as souvenirs.

Ok, this is pretty much it. I'd once more like to mention my cause #EducationForWomen. Please help us trend it and bring more and more awareness about it.

Cheers to Indiblogger and Zee TV DID.

Here are the links to
Indiblogger on FB- https://www.facebook.com/indipage
Zee TV on FB- https://www.facebook.com/ZeeTvIndia
Indiblogger's FB album from the event- The Album

Comedy Nights With Diggy

The Story Of Angry Birds.

*I have no creative rights over the Angry Birds and this post is more like a tongue-in-cheek write-up to kill some time*

Also, if you've been visiting my toon blog- Creaky Noises Doors Make, you might have noticed that I've been a bit too obsessed with the Rovio-owned game for a while. Hoping that y'all bear with me as I battle my addiction.

Here is the original story for the ones interested-

Now for the fake story-

1. Red Bird's Story-

This one is the angriest of the lot and understandably so. It happened to a diligent student at its school, working its way up the merit list. One fine day, a piggie came in, disguised as an education reformer. He abolished the grading system and replaced it with a format where the students will be ranked on the basis of the number of legs that they possess and the roundness of their snout. This system clearly favoured the piggies and the red bird has been burning with rage ever since. Although like most students, it has no special powers.

2. Yellow Bird's Story-

This bird is both angry and in a hurry. Its story begins in the corridors of Indian bureaucracy. As a kid, it always wanted to be a pilot. It trained, trained really hard and acquired all the skills a jet pilot could need. Ready with all the paperwork, it came to the office of the government monkeys. Its file is still buried in the dust of slackery and inefficient systems of data transfer. As the monkey stared at the computer screen in the office and asked it to wait for four hours or come tomorrow, it got angry; but the monkeys are in no hurry.

3. Green Bird's Story
                                             

This bird has the power of the boomerang i.e. it can turn back and reach the starting point from where it started. It was a mellow happy bird before being hit by the train reservation system of the IRCTC. Its sister- the blue bird had given birth to triplets.

                                            

And it wanted to visit her and share the joy. It went to the IRCTC website and was immediately shown the door as the site was infested by the ticket mafia. The agents who had booked all the tickets illegally were now selling them at double price. It logged into the site again and again only to be boomeranged back to square one. It too has been angry ever since.

4. Black Bird's Story

This one was a mellow birdie with an artistic knack. It painted cartoons and published them in newspapers. All was well until a piggie took offence to the shape of the snout of a pig drawn by the black bird in one of its cartoons. The piggie held an office in the cabinet. He made the black bird apologize publicly; later on, he set it on explosives and tried to blast it to death. The bird has been seeking revenge ever since.

More later.

End of friendship

How Some Brands Got Their Names.

Brand images/ logo etc. courtesy: Google Image Search

The Adventures of The Road Crosser!

The Road Crosser is a superhero who helps make our roads safe and efficient. He has fought and defeated criminals like the Autorickshaw (link here) and (here) and the mooing cow! 

Here is the latest of his heroics! Enjoy!

How to kill a joke- Cheap tricks

There are many ways to kill a joke, in today's class we will study a few of them. But before that, a bit of history-

Historical backround-
 In ancient times, there was a dearth of funny men. Men were wanted- to make people laugh, to bring a smile to people's faces. The lack of humour came from the grinding duties imposed on the public by the state. There weren't any machines so all the work had to be done manually. Be it turning the pages for an elite-class man who liked to read or chewing food on behalf of the zamindaar's lazy son. Labour was cheap, people were made to work and it is a well-known fact that the first drop of sweat drains out all the humour from the human body.
This gave birth to the PJ phenomenon. The PJ or the programmed jester phenomenon is when one individual in the population is assigned the dreadful task of making people laugh. He is considered to be a funny man based on his credentials which are nothing but the inclination toward being a comedian. A PJ-artist is never a true comedian, in fact, rumour has it that he is made to undergo a surgery where all the humourous neurons from his brain are surgically removed. This individual is initially supported and cheered by the crowd and encouraged to talk and is allowed to consider himself a funny man. He sneezes and the crowd starts rolling in the alleys! After a certain amount of time, say, 1 week, he is programmed to self destruct and make way for a new jester. The former PJ-artist was beaten to a pulp, his throat slit, limbs dissected and then his body was thrown to dogs for a hearty meal. This way the crowd could let out its emotions after 1 week of, although senseless, laughter. The martyrdom of the PJ-artist was established and everybody lived jokingly ever after.

Present Scenario.
As times changed, people were relieved of the gruesome duties and machines took their place. Now the zamindar could use a mechanical nail cutter to trim his growing nails instead of some 80 years old, toothless villager being made to chew off the excess nails and fine-trim the irregularities in the nail contours. Humour took a place in society and no longer were the services of the PJ artist needed. The surviving descendants of PJ artists were told to take up a different profession and the not-so-funny jokes were not entertained (even for a week like in the ancient times) anymore. As beating someone to a pulp, chopping off his body parts and murdering him for telling a bad joke became socially unacceptable and in some countries, even against the law(!!), the PJ art took a different form. It evolved from a noble profession to a menace. PJ artists now are everywhere! Using "puns" in the name of jokes and destroying lives as we speak.

Proposed Solution.
As now we cannot murder the jesters, we need to kill the joke.

Method.
1. Ask them to repeat the joke. Every time a joke is repeated, it dies a little.
2. Ask them to explain the joke. If you want to go really brutal, feign ignorance about the characters and ideas used in the joke. Watch the PJ-artist's face go pale as he explains his own joke and drives those nails in its coffin.
3. Encourage them whenever they say something stupid and when they say it in a bigger setting and a lot many more people listening, give them a look that says- "what the hell dude! I think you're losing your charm."
4. When they are telling the joke, point out at their body parts which are weirdly large or small or basically disproportionate. Even minute observations like "Hey! Your nostrils flared when you said that! Can you repeat that word again!?" can put the joke burning on the backburner.
5. Space out when they are about to say something and come back to life when they end their joke, saying "Sorry! What?"
6. "Your joke wasn't funny." Have a really hot girl say it to them.
7. Murder them anyway and go to jail. You'll be a martyr.

The Reassuring Dentist

A politician from the SMS generation.

Recently, I had the privilege to interview a politician from the SMS generation. Sir Postit Textit holds an office in the cabinet. Excerpts-

Me- It's an honour to have you with us, sir.
Mr. Textit- Same here.

Me- Impressive election manifesto, I must say.
Mr. Textit- :-D

Me- You must have put in a lot of effort to show the public that you really care about their plight, isn't it?
Mr. Textit- :-P

Me- Precise as always. Sir, I must know- how do you plan to combat the conflict within your party?
Mr. Textit- LOL, it's np

Me- But sir, how can you LOL, recently, a few of the ministers from your party were caught indulging in drugs and beating up a policeman! They made a mockery of the law and order in the state!
Mr. Textit- LMAO!

Me- So, you're trying to say that we are a country of short term public memory and it should be no problem for you and your party?
Mr. Textit- Yup! Sup?

Me- I am fine, thank you sir. So, what is next on your agenda?
Mr. Textit- J/k LOL

Me- You mean Jammu and Kashmir? Oh yes, the valley has been home to cross border terrorism since long. We are glad that you're finally going to shift the focus to the issue.
Mr. Textit- :-)

Me- Sir, the parliament has been abuzz with the news of your party high command giving tickets to criminals and goons, what is your take on that?
Mr. Textit- tc

Me- tc? You mean their tickets should be cancelled? Why don't you address the conflict within your party first and then come to address issues of national relevance.
Mr. Textit- Hmmm...

Me- What are your views on the Lokpal bill sir?
Mr. Textit- gtg, cya l8r.

Me- ttyl sir?
Mr. Textit- Is that they way to talk to a cabinet minister? Security!! Arrest him! We are going to censor any such offensive comments hereforth.

LOL! Byeeee tc. :D

The Right To Reject!

Why did the patient commit suicide?

In the Department of Oral Medicine and Radiology. PG Clinic

In the Dept of Oral medicine and Radiology. UG clinic- case discussion.

In the Department of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery. Case discussion.

In the Department of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery. Internal Case. Elaborate Case History.

Professors of my college.

They have quirky ways indeed. Here I expose some of them with my hidden cam! Have fun nodding in agreement!