My Half Girlfriend

I am sharing a Half relationship story at BlogAdda in association with #HalfGirlfriend

This is a story from my college days. Those were the days when in-campus romances were a wee rare. I mean of course there were a sizable number of them but they were still considered a big deal. No, this was not in the early 80s. I am talking 2007. OK, maybe they were not very rare. But you get my point- we used to be shy.

This was the point when a friend of mine was dating a guy from our batch. Then some stuff happened and they broke up. Now at a party, this friend of mine ended up telling me a lot about how she had been feeling and what getting her heart broken meant for her. Basically, she told me she had sworn off guys and that should have been my red flag but this is where it gets interesting (stupid).

After the conversation, we started talking a whole lot and became quite close. We began talking on phone and the conversations went on and on. During one of our late night discussions, she confessed that she initially had a crush on me. That was enough for my heart to start pounding like a frog. I began thinking about our wedding, thinking about names of our children and what not.

The next morning, I woke up a new man. I had developed strong feelings for her. She however had forgotten what she had said in the night. She woke up the same way she was - just a good friend to me. A few days later, I asked her if she'd like to be be my girlfriend and the answer was a resounding "no".

She told me that she saw me as a friend and it would be awful if we jeopardized all that we had for a stupid infatuation. Beside that, she was quite serious about swearing off men. I told her that I respected that but then, my heart was hard to convince.

A few days later, we went out for lunch. She ordered ice cream for both of us in one cup and fed me with a spoon. 'Alright, we are back in the race,' my heart screamed and how wrong it was!

I popped the question again on phone the same night and got turned down. She sounded irritated by my advances and I decided to shut my feelings down. The next two years, I kept my feelings in check and became what she needed me to be. A good friend. We discussed random things and wondered about life in general. People wondered if we were dating and she denied it vehemently while I secretly enjoyed those insinuations for they were all I had.

But then, on a fateful night, she phoned me to tell me that she had fallen in love. I held the phone close to my ears. It was the sound of my heart breaking. 'But I thought you were done with relationships,' I said. 'That was two years ago, silly,' she said.

I remembered how close I had felt to her in those two years. I wondered if I had gone too platonic; so much so that she could not see my feelings for her. I pretended to be OK and congratulated her on her newfound love for men.

But perhaps that was the day, after two freaking years, that I got closure on her. Well, I do not blame her for she offered nothing more than friendship but yes, sometimes you wish you could change certain parts. And hey! That's life!

The chase

Before there was anything revoltingly obnoxious about a guy who chased a girl, the idea had its appeal. The idea of a guy who would go at any lengths to make a girl smile. Before women raised their voices about how they didn't like the idea of guys taking care of them all the time, before the guys went a little crazy in the head, the idea had its appeal.

हलकी जलन

तू गुड़िया सुनेहरी, मैं काग़ज़ का पुतला,
तू झोंका हवा का, मैं बारिश का पत्ता.

तू नाव बड़ी सी, मैं नादिया का गोता,
मैं बच्चा अकेला, तू तूफान का झोंका.

मैं तेरी पनाहों का प्यासा मुसाफिर,
तू पलटे, यूँ देखे, औ हंस दे ज़रा फिर.

मैं पीछे हूँ तेरे, तू जाए है आगे,
है मन भी मेरा ये,  हवा जैसे भागे.

एक आँधी की आहट मेरे सामने है,
ये तूफान, ये बादल, तुझे जानते हैं.

मैं नाज़ुक ज़रा हूँ, बिखर जाऊँगा,
तू हंसती रहेगी, दहल जाऊँगा।

तेरे सामने झुकते सारे यहाँ हैं,
मेरे प्यार की उतनी कीमत कहाँ है.

तू आगे बढ़ेगी, मैं खुश हूँ उसी में,
तेरे रास्ते पे मैं घुल के बह जाऊँगा.

तू चूमेगी जब अपने जैसे किसी को,
एक हल्का ज़रा सा मैं जल जाऊँगा.

जलूँगा ज़रा सा, सुलगे बिना पर,
मेरी रौशनी में तू दिखेगी चमकती.

बरस के गिरेंगे तेरे नूर पे सब,
बहूँगा अलग से मैं, बन काग़ज़ की कश्ती. 

How to find a bride in India? Simple steps.

How to find a bride in India?


To find a bride in India, one needs to give the impression that he is not interested in marriage, love or any suchlike distractions. One has to pretend to have tangible, attainable life goals. Whenever someone asks what you are doing with your life, you have to reply that you're preparing for civil services to at least qualify as a serious minded person.


Once everyone is convinced that you're a serious-minded person, this is what you need to do- assess your skills and talents. Then start pursuing higher studies in something which is completely opposite to your personal inclinations. You might ask what is the reason behind such diabolical behaviour. The answer to which is SHUT UP! You're not supposed to ask questions.


Moving on, once you're done with your education and are done eyeing all the pretty girls in your college, you develop a werewolf-like personality. Due to all the repression, your face develops scary features like dark circles, baldness etc. This is perfectly normal, you're on your way to getting married.


Now once you've acquired a graduate degree, look at your degree and enlist all the jobs suited for you. Now, take that list to the toilet and flush it. Start preparing for civil services, bank exams or other such institutions which offer jobs that require you to sit in a chair and analyze data for the government. Again, do not ask questions. The keyword here is 'government job'. Ok, two words. Keywords.


Anyway, now once you're 'settled', go to the marketplace with a cloth bag and ask for a bride. I am not kidding. Pick up that jhola and take your relatives for bride shopping. Whenever you are bargaining for a bride, assess all features like height, weight, colour (especially colour because dark ones are bad for some reason) etc. Once you have selected a bride suitable to your 'market value', just pick her up and put her in your bag. And here comes the best part, her relatives will pay YOU to take her away from them. Isn't it great?


All the best out there!

An imperfect ending.

He had met many girls. He had learned that the first few days are always great. You are getting to know each other, your hearts are syncing and you feel the connection- everything goes great. Then there's the buffer when you begin to snap at the small little things that used to enchant you earlier. And then comes the breakup. He had had three breakups and was now a changed man. His heart could anticipate the subsequent steps of a relationship.

She was always a one man woman. She believed in love and never gave up. She had met her match and wanted to marry him. It felt like destiny and she was happy with life.

He had hopes that he will unlearn life's lessons and make all those mistakes again. It was horrifying for him to think that one day, a princess will come and he will not kiss her hand before kissing her cheek because he would have let go of his own etiquette. He was scared of change and wanted to hold on.

She? Her world was soon shaken. Her lover did love her but, it wasn't enough. When the world set fire to her, she had no walls standing. Her castle was intruded and she felt like letting go of everything she had held so dearly.

He found that no one liked a conflicted soul. His confusion and inner turmoil made him slightly unlikable among women. He would say the wrong things, ask weird questions, try too hard. He was just not himself and had left all hopes of a normal life- a loving wife, a simple house, a dog. He dreaded the future.

Once all her dreams were razed to ground. She took a rigid stance against sandcastles and banned daydreaming from her life. She allowed fate to take over. And she wanted to change herself. She liked the way life was shaping up after letting go. Her marriage was arranged with a prince. She had good things going again. Her fears were melting because she had surrendered. 

He was fighting. He was scared of the eventual surrender. It was the impending doom that would follow which scared him. He was scared of settling with mediocrity, average kind of life. What if he was okay with leading a mediocre life, a wife he loved just adequately and not passionately was his greatest fear.

She had had enough of overflows. Now, she wanted things to be adequate. Her marriage was in a fortnight and she was shopping. Parties were being thrown, in-laws were tagging each other on their Facebook updates.

And then they met!

The Dog and The Bone- A Poem

A dog guards a bone,
the bone hangs low.
The bone is up for grabs,
the dog can't be slow.

A pack gathers around,
gnarls, snarls flow.
Lustful eyes abound,
Will the bone fall though?

Chaos, fright, lust,
all parts of the show.
If the bone falls down,
where does the dog go?

The dog must leave,
leave the bone behind.
What you cannot protect,
never belonged to you.

The above poetry is written in the context of fleeing partners. Girlfriends who claim to leave their lovers if they do not treat them 'right'. Sometimes, the concepts of 'forever' and 'no matter what' get overused while describing love. I know there should be no second chances for betrayers and people who take you for granted. But, when you find someone, it is up to you to make sure that you find and fix problems instead of acting like a bone that can be snatched away. It is just a silly thought that I had.

For the love of books...

It might have come to the mind of regular readers of this blog that I have lately started writing a lot of book reviews. Before the advent of book review programs by popular blogging platforms eg Blogadda, my blog was just about cartoons, short stories and poems. I liked books but, I was not the kind of reader who would finish a book in one go and have strong feelings about it. I had purchased and started reading many classics but, couldn't finish even a single one.I wondered what it took in a reader to finish a book without losing interest midway. I applied for some of the book review programs on Blogadda and Indiblogger and slowly formed networks with many more book bloggers. Now the situation is such that I get review requests sometimes from publishers and authors themselves.

There have been incidents when I angered the authors by being too honest with my reviews. I don't think I can review the typical Leadstart authors anymore. (It's a publishing house which gives preference to beginners). With no disrespect to the publishing house, it has to be a little discriminate in choosing its manuscripts. I think it can take a hint from the publishers by the name of Aleph Publishing House. I think their books have relatively good quality of language.

I had signed up for IndiReads Book Review Program and ended up over-criticizing their pulp-fiction novellas. I have now realized that language is really important for me. There are authors out there who have a story to tell. They are ill-equipped in terms of medium i.e. language but they have content. All I can suggest for them is to get a good editor on board and get their book edited.

After all this experience and tumult, I am now ready to diagnose myself. I grew up in a household where Shakespeare and Shelly were lying around in the living room. My dad being a Literature post-graduate had a big collection of literary novels. I did read comics and other non-serious fiction as a young adult but, as a kid, my eye was slowly trained to look at literary fiction with special respect. I could never finish any of the classics and found them excessively boring but, whenever I had time, I would take out those hardbound, old books and look at all those lines that were written with much effort.

That is why I think in most of my reviews, I am looking for a certain literariness in the book and am disappointed when it is either too bland or too pretentious. My this habit lets me fall in love with books but doesn't let my enjoyment levels, while reading, remain on a steady graph. When they're classics, I am put off by the long descriptions; when they are thrillers, I am put off by the cheesiness. But then, I am in love with the printed word. That is for sure. If I could buy all the books in the World and keep them in a giant library with ladders and shelves, I would!

What is it about those printed and bound sheets of processed papyrus that makes the human preserve them in wooden shelves, dusting them, picking them up from time to time and flipping their leaves? There is something comforting about having the written word in your possession. The keeper of records and the protector of history is a role that may be bland in real life but has been much romanticized in films and stories.

I guess there is a certain power associated with owning books. It is intangible yet, very real. But I am not after that power. Or maybe I am. The point is, I could ramble on and on about books and that's why, I have started reviewing books.

Until later,

Abhyudaya

Before and After Proposal: Learning from Rejection in Love

I am in love! (Part 1)

Of late, I have been feeling a little bit in love. Oh, who am I kidding, I am once again away from the shores, diving in the deep trenches of this endless ocean! The feeling is liberating but it ties to down to an extent too. I can no longer feel like a boat without an anchor. The girl who I love knows how I feel but she, to quote her own words, is “not sure how she feels about me.” My initial knee-jerk response to that was that if she isn’t sure, she is not in love and I should probably run as fast as I can. But, it was only after seeing her once again in a crowded marketplace, when I realized that although it would be wise to not love at all, wiser even to love someone who loves you back but, if there is one thing that love lacks, it is reason and wisdom.

I know, it sounds very sappy and romantic. It is the cheesiest thing to say ‘I love you’ to someone these days. Mostly because you hear it being said to freely and sometimes insincerely. But, there is literally no way I can restrain myself from loving her. I am enjoying this state of helplessness and it gets cheesier from here but I am not gonna apologize for feeling a certain way.

When I hear her voice, I want it to be the only thing I hear; when I see her smile, it brightens up my day. When she says she likes me, I hear nothing else. This feeling, even when unrequited, un-reciprocated is blissful. I want to hang on to this feeling, even if it means getting hurt.

Although, you don’t need reasons to love someone, let me try to explain who she is and why I love her. She is that girl who would sit by your side and you’d feel richer by a million dollars. She is dusky, the crisp baked colour of golden sunshine. She smiles with all her teeth and her eyes get all squinty when she does that. She hides just the right amount of shyness at the ends of her smiles. Her smiles get crooked at the corners due to the extra-playfulness of her lips. She talks with her hands- gesturing vividly as her nose gently twitches with a mischief. Her hair come a little ahead to cover her forehead on the sides as if trying to protect her from all things bad. I haven’t even come yet to her best part- the eyes! She has the eyes of someone who roams the ancient deserts. They have such power and they are such happy eyes at the same time. I look at them and think to myself- wow! Those are the eyes I never wanna see crying. I have been in love before but not this way. It has always been someone who I either adore or admire. She is someone I adore AND admire. And of course, I love her.

I know all this gooey romantic jazz is kind of a put-off. Girls fall for men. Men who can fix things, men who can carry them along the rivers. I am not her saviour. I am her friend and I want her to love me. I don’t know how to seize the day, how to win her or floor her. Perhaps, she will never find her man in me but, I don’t want that either. I want her to feel what I feel for her. I think that is good enough to make it work. For once, I think I have fallen for a damsel who doesn’t need saving.

She Declined (Part 2)
Remember how I was in love a few weeks ago? Well! Just like all my old love stories, this too didn’t have a happy ending. I guess there is a ripening time between wanting something and asking for it. I always rush that time and end up with an egg on my face. It is maybe my fault or maybe not. In my heart of hearts, I believe that I did nothing wrong. I told her how I felt and she didn’t feel the same way. So, I dropped it.

There is a curse associated with every no. Once someone says no and you still pursue them, you are literally asking them to ignore their first instinct which is dangerous. I am a big believer in instincts, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If no one opens the door at the first knock, the second knock would need force. And forced entry into anyone’s home is never welcome.

One question that arises is ‘Do I still love her?’ I did ask myself that. Of course love doesn’t die a sudden death. There are stages. I was quite liberal in my usage of the word. So, let me first define ‘love’ as I felt for her. Love for me was not the ultimate union of two souls but the proposition of the same. ‘I love you’ for me meant a letting down of the guard and being vulnerable. It is like when a child lets someone else touch his favourite toy. Love was that degree of trust which I was willing to bestow onto her. It was totally one-sided and I knew what I was doing. I do not know any other way to fall than flat on my face. So, I tried it. I did fall and I enjoyed it. It would have been much more fun, had she also fallen with me but it was not the case. Now, where do I go from here? Of course, the guard cannot be down forever. It will heal like an open wound. The knowledge that she doesn’t love me will work like an ointment and it will seal itself clean, like nothing ever happened.

Admiration will remain and so will compassion but, love? It will fade. I am thankful to her for saying no. Whether or not something was there is debatable but, letting someone go is the kindest thing you can do to them.

Can I be friends with her? Won’t my feelings come in the way? Well, love as a feeling is known to be pretty unpredictable. Of course there will be weakness. It is like ordering fries when you could have just ordered a hamburger. But then, I realize that friendship should not be looked at like it is ‘settling for less’. Friendship in itself a pretty huge contract. Love comes with its own terms and conditions but so does friendship. She does want to be my friend. ‘Can be friends with her or not?’ is a question I did consider and the answer was yes. Because she was truthful to me, I know it without a doubt that there is nothing possible between us. She will never lie to me. All I need to remember is that she does not look at me in a romantic way. In life, if you know where you stand, how can you make a wrong move?

I do wish the best for her and I have coaxed her into wishing the same for me too. Now, until I find someone who makes me let my guard down again, I shall keep looking. The best part about this game is that you have unlimited tries and need to win just once!

Onward and upward!

I won't love you...- Valentine's Day Special

I recently came across a very nice post on how not to love and it moved me to write a guy version of the same (That post was by a girl).

To Future Lover,

I won't love you like your ex-boyfriend. I won't love you like your dream boyfriend. I will love you in my own way. What is my own way? Well, I don't know that yet. Because I haven't met you yet. I don't know what I like best about you. I am not looking for anything specific. The God is in small things but those things are not specific. It can be the way you wipe your nose once you've got the sniffles, it can be the way you make a long face when I drop your favourite crockery. I have not planned anything. Nor am I going to, your future birthdays, our anniversaries included. I do believe in making someone's day but, I don't think I am good with making plans.

The funny thing is, you can mould me into forms you like. I can wake up early or late depending on your sleep patterns. I can be okay or not okay with public display of affection depending on what you like. Yes, I have had a dating life but, you're not going to be fitting in a pattern for me. You won't be taking a place of someone else. You will be making your own place. I won't love you like I love others. I haven't set the rules for you and I hope you won't either.

This isn't a letter about lowering expectations. I want you to expect me to sweep you off your feet. I just don't want you or anyone else to plan it for me. Not even those love songs and films that you've been watching. Expect me to love you, just don't expect me to play the role of someone who loves you or loved you.

There is a reason for all this. It is not as if I am against teddy bears, chocolates and roses. It is just that when you have a clear-cut job description, people who are lousy at their jobs have more chances of getting fired. I don't want to get fired. I will rather take my chances with someone who doesn't want a spot filled in her life. Someone who is complete.

I do have a few promises to make though. I promise that I will...

... Wait outside the ladies washroom for you. I will never be the lover who lets his girlfriend/ wife shop alone except when you want to. 

... Take lots of detours. I promise never to fall in a routine. When we're returning from your cousin's boring wedding, we are going to that hilltop just to soak in the night sky for a while.

... Tell you everything. 

I am one of those guys who don't make phone calls unless they have something important to say. I also fumble with grand romantic gestures. I sometimes do not reply to texts immediately. If you turn me into someone more vocal, more loud; I perhaps will. For me, changing my approach toward a relationship is like changing the wrapping of a gift. The gift still remains the same. The catch is though that- I don't want you to ask me to change. I want you to make me want to love you more. That is only possible when there is a competition between us- 'Who Loves The Other One More?'

If I sense that you're competing with me in that arena, then by golly I will defeat you in that game. I will love the heck out of you.

I know love is not supposed to be conditional, it is not supposed to be sane. Sadly, I am not insane initially in a relationship. I am like that mysterious unicorn who only respects the one who he sees fit. Once you earn my respect, we can be competitors at this game o' two for life.

Love,

Abhyudaya

Indiblogger - Cupid Games 2015

Hi guys and girls,

So, close up is doing this amazing challenge thing on http://cupidgames.closeup.in/ and they've collaborated with Indiblogger and have come up with this cool Cupid Games theme. Check out-

Yup, there is +Kanan Gill in that video. Girls go drool, drool!

Now, what I am doing the Happy Hours challenge by Indiblogger and CloseUp and here's my cue-

Cupid Games 2015

If you had to propose to your crush on Valentine's day how would you do it? The more zany the better!

Hmm... if I had to propose to my crush on Valentine's day, I'd first send a huge box right to her doorstep inside which there would be like two-three other boxes. Then in the innermost box, I'd put a key. I'd also put a riddle in a scroll right by the side of the key. The riddle would have some cheesy answer. It'd go somewhat like this-






Roses are red, violets are blue,


How to end this poem, I have no clue.


What I am about to say, is 100% true,


It's the key to what I have given you.

So, she'd be all 'eww' because of the cheesiness. But she'll smile maybe because, c'mon, admit it, cheesiness is sort of cute sometimes. Then I'd send her a text-

The answer is my heart!
and then after letting it sink in, I'll send her another text.

Open the door!

She'd open the door, and there I'd be. Standing with a box. I'll do some magic tricks for the special effects maybe or maybe just decide on the spot. Then I'd ask her to open the box that I had brought. The key would open the box and inside it would be hr favourite book. Her favourite part would be bookmarked in it and she'd flip it open to see a a pop-out card asking her to go out with me. When she says yes, and she will, I will take her leave and tell her that I will pick up from her home.

In the evening, with all preparations, I'll come in a chauffeur-driver car. There would be roses and balloons and many more things that'd make her blush. I will overdo the cliches maybe because, I think when you go all out for someone, these things kind of make an impact. There is a reason cliches exist.

Once she is done blushing, we'd probably head out for dinner and have a nice meal. I would take her to the fanciest place in town and let her know that I am ready to splurge on her. Later we will go to a place where wind blows freely- maybe the top of a hill or a romantic tower. I'd pop the question if she says yes, I will act all cool and normal as if it is routine thing. Then maybe out of the sheer joy, I will break into a crazy dance routine. 

We'd drive back to her place and I'll send the car back a kilometer or two before the destination. We'll walk toward her home and by then, I'd have arranged for a gift box to be delivered at her doorstep. In every box that was empty in the morning, there would be gifts which she can use.

In the biggest box, there would be a backpack for the traveler in her, in the smaller one, there would be a collection of books by George R R Martin or Tolkein because I know how much she loves fantasy fiction, in the smallest one, I'd put a scroll of all the promises that I want to make to her.

I would be all about making her feel special!

Conversations with the coffee guy: Who weds whom?

The other day, the guy who serves coffee in my hospital came up to me and told me what he thinks about marriage. Not out of the blue, of course. We were having a livid discussion earlier in the cafeteria and he was telling me how his 'girlfriend' had stopped taking his calls. A lovers' tiff apparently.

The coffee guy

So, when we next met, he asked me what I thought about marriage. His question was that in a marriage, two people marry each other, that's a general idea but who among the bride and groom wields greater power in choosing the partner? In short, who marries whom? I wondered which way I should go so that he feels more at ease. I took a swing toward the more chauvinistic side and started saying that since it's the guy to whom the girl is coming, leaving her family behind and then they start life afresh, maybe it is the guy who heroically marries the girl and ushers in a new chapter in her life.

He pretended as if he hadn't listened to my theory (thankfully) as his was much more progressive and put me to shame. He said that in any union, the human female is the decider as she hold the key to her heart and soul. (Of course, he said these things in Hindi but they were as philosophical)

He went on describe how females are less dependent emotionally and can easily live lives sharing and caring. It is us, the males who need support and an affirmation that we're the only people they love.

Of course, there are cheating males and needy females but, these are just some simple thoughts from a simple guy who brings me coffee. So, I am putting them out there.

A weird prose- Colours!

Colour me red with your eye and throw me in the fire. Let me burn and bake until my skin is caked. Until the red turns black and the black turns blue, let me roast. I want you to not look at me when all this happens. I want you to turn around and put on some sneakers. I want you to take a walk around the street, across the town, waving to yellow people and smiley faces. I want to turn red and then black to blue, without you.

I want to be toughened, I want to glisten with sweat. I want the sweat to escape my pores and envelope my skin. I want it to teach me, guide me, glide me across the burning pyre toward the blueness.

I then want you to come over and watch. I want you to see what I turned into when you turned your back on me. I want you see me blue and then turn green with envy.

I don't want you to stay green though. I want you to turn generic yellow. I want no tinge of purple on your skin. I want you to disappear in the blackness as you step back, slowly and steadily. I want you to fall among square bricks, well-aligned and sorted out- just the way you like it. I want you to be safe and secure all your life. Caged in squares with all your Rubik's cubes solved and all your smiles planned and premeditated.

I will sit on my small white cloud, a little blue but I will have red eyes. No red eye correction software will work on me and I will burn within. But from outside, I will be blue and sometimes even purple.

If you, by any chance, realize that squares are boring or that clouds are more fun, come to me running. I will await your arrival sitting on this cloud. You can look at me and smile, it will be your first unplanned smile but that's the furthest I can allow you to go. I would not be able to hold my hand out and pull you up on my cloud. Because by then, I would have floated high above. Because, sometimes clouds drift away.

So, just go ahead and colour me red!

--Abhyudaya Shrivastava Copyright 2014

Thankfulness- A very short story.

The nervousness right before doing something new- it gripped him as he proceeded to hold her hand as she leaned toward him in that desolate street. It was a strange mix of emotions. It didn't have the air of a love story's beginning, neither did it have the grimness and pregnant moments of a drama. It was something usual and common, yet so difficult to comprehend.

It must happen to everyone, everyday and yet, why does it feel so new? She was a sad woman and he- a lonely man. A usual recipe for souls to come together and maybe unite, not in a transcendental, magical way but in the same way all the garbage, rejected the world, is swept together in one corner with no choice but to snuggle and feel fuzzy. Their time was borrowed and so was their happiness. They borrowed it from each other, scooped out from places they did not know existed. They reached inside the empty chocolate ice-cream cartons of their souls and ran a scoop across for the leftovers. They grabbed hold of whatever was left inside them and handed it to each other.

She was an ugly woman with a squint. She walked with a frailness that explained her extreme politeness. It was her mirror talking and it seemed like it lied. He never saw her the way she described herself. For him, she was a damsel in distress. Her squint was unnoticeable and her fragility rendered her a softness much like that of flower that needs to be protected. If anything, her eyes looked like those of a person who had just been slapped against the wishes of the universe. It seemed like it was his duty to make her happy to ensure that the universe was brought back in order.

He was a loser with no money plus, he was bad at conversations. He ended up saying the weirdest things making the whole situation turn comical, notwithstanding the gravity of it. It again was his analysis. To her, he was a stranger with a kind eye. His initial chatter assured her of gullibility and she could predict that he was quite incapable of tact and cunning. She felt safe around him.

She was crying inside the metro train when he saw her. They talked for a few minutes and it led to the eventual hand-holding. Of course, it didn't feel right but it felt like a good mistake to make. For both of them, it was a step forward.

A few years later, they were happily divorced, with a kid. The kid could never tell that his parents were divorced. They both seemed happy. They talked, laughed and many times, it felt like they had just kissed.

Were they in love? Was this a mistake since the beginning? Whatever it was, after all those years, one emotion that they had for each other was 'thankfulness'. 

What is love? #RandomThoughts

Ah... love! Love is when there is no doubt, no fear and no bondage. It is when you are sure of yourself. 

You are not afraid but it is not because there is nothing to be afraid of, quite the opposite; it is because although there might be adversities but, you are not thinking about 'self' anymore. 

You cease to be important because the most important fabric of your being detaches itself from you and houses itself in someone else's soul. You become nothing and your love becomes everything.

You are not even scared of getting hurt because the emotion is not tangible, it cannot be hurt, it just exists. It hovers over your head and encompasses all your thoughts and actions. It is love.

Book Review- It's For You Mihi- Md. Asif

Author- Md. Asif
Titile- It's For You Mihi
ISBN- 9789383023042
Genre- Fiction
Publisher- Parlance 
Price- Rs 150
Pages- 215

This review is much delayed mostly because I didn't know how to go about it. It is review I am doing on request and before and after this book, I read books like 'To Kill A Mockingbird' and 'A Narrow Road to The Deep North' so, when this book came in the middle of all those instant classics, it got more cringe-worthy than usual.

I will try not to be an intellectual snob while doing this because high chances are that my own beliefs will get in the way. First of all, stalking is glorified, then the filmy romance is the main masala of this novel. The theatrics and drama are high and the dialogues are your regular conversation statements. It would have been much nicer had the author written the novel in Hindi as the main flavour of the novel is very small town North Indian type.

It is a love story and a pretty sappy one at that. The book has flashbacks and romantic epiphanies abound. For someone as skeptical as me, it was difficult to sit through it so I would definitely not recommend it to those who don't enjoy that sort of stuff. Moreover, the books makes a lot of assumptions which are actually okay if you think from the writer's perspective but dialogues like, 'She made another boyfriend? What kind of a girl is she?' are not gonna be a hit with the feminist lot.

I am intellectualizing a simple novel I know. Anyway, let's talk about the language. It is nothing florid, just regular talk. Even the narrative is dull and unimaginative. The syntax is way off the mark and you'll find sentences like 'Among oceans, seas, rivers, ponds, swimming pools, dams, wells, pits and pots, eyes have the most powerful drops of water to shed.' There are good ones in there too but, some bad ones just ruin the narrative. The novel needs editing.

The pages are nice and crisp and the font is the right size. The cover design is better than the actual novel. The author actually had a good story but he didn't give it enough time to ripen. If only had he put down that thesaurus and actually thought more about the art of writing, probably attended a workshop, the novel could have been better.

The novel will appeal to teenage girls and boys who don't care much about the quality of English and share the small town sentiments about love and all the theatrics associated with it. I give it one and a half star.

*1/2

Awareness Campaign for guys- Love Tactics Part 2

Awareness Campaign for guys. Part One

Microfiction: 5 love stories

1. Perfect Love.
They had a fight last night. She came in the room with a blank face, he stared at her with blazing eyes. Both were trying hard to control but soon it became too much. They burst out laughing.

2. Imperfect Love.
He had not returned her calls since morning. Worried, she tried his number again but the line was busy. She dialled another number. A polite voice came from the other side. She replied- "Yes, I'd like to book a table for two.."

3. Unrequited Love
He was waiting at that street corner again. She came, hand in hand with a guy and turned around to see if anyone was looking. Finding no one, she gave the guy a kiss. He was standing right there.

4. Neo-Love
She slapped her forehead, "Oops! I forgot the anniversary again." She ran to buy a gift from the shop. He was preparing a romantic dinner. He had been planning for this day since ages.

5. Non-Love
She deleted her Facebook account, all her email conversations. She wanted no interference from her past. This boyfriend seemed like her only chance at happiness and she wanted to do it right this time.

-------------------------------

Looks Versus Brains!

In my series of intellectual-sounding blogposts, here's one more. We often come across people who are out of our leagues, well, at least I do. Now, that is almost always based on appearance. How does this notion of superior and inferior looks come into picture in a world where it's all relative? I think I'll take the concept of subcultures to explain these conflicts. We know that every society has a mainstream culture and a set of undercurrent or sub- cultures. These cultures emerge out of deprivation and anomie i.e. normlessness. When the society sets certain goals for individuals that turn out to be unachievable for them, those dejected people turn to form their own values and cultural norms and that results in the genesis of what is called as a "subculture".

Looking at people who prioritise looks over anything else, we can assume that they form a subculture which regards beauty as its primary standard. How does physical beauty turn to be so important for these people. Such people are characterized with extremely careful attitude toward their looks and take extra care to groom and prepare themselves. They look down upon the untidy ones and gossip demeaningly about them. One of the reasons of the emergence of such an extreme attitude can be the lack of intellect and thus, the inability of fulfil the criteria expected by the society which considers academics to be the criteria of prime importance. So, in this case, the geeks and nerds are derogatory terms and hunks and babes gain social approval.

If we reverse the scenario and consider the external beauty-minded ones to be the mainstream culture, then the outcasts would consist of these braniacs who actually are lacking in the department of physical appearance and the ability to groom themselves. This perspective assumes that these people work on their academic skills harder because they need to compensate for the sake of their self worth for their lack in appearance. And since this subculture has to gain approval, it looks condescendingly on those who do not follow its rules. Bimbos and dimwits are some of the condescending terms popularized by this subculture.

Now, by the way of above explanation, it is unclear as to which one is the main or dominant culture of the society as both seem to be overlapping subsets of each other. I'd propose that we do not delve deeper into the question of which one is dominant and for our understanding's sake assume that both are more or less equal in terms of quantity and frequency in the population.

There are also people who have both the brains and looks. For them, there still, is a question of priority. I think, it is these people who can provide us with deeper insights into the psychological underpinnings of the condescendings and admirations involved in either societal norms. Do they have to be critical of 'bimbos' when they're with their fellow nerds? Do they look down upon 'geeks' when they're with hunks? I think they are the perfect chameleons, at least some of them. The others might pick a side and stick with it as diplomacy might not be their cup of tea.

So, which one are you?

Friendzoned!