Saturday 11 July 2015

Modern Panchtantra- Book 1- The Loss of Facebook Friends- Chapter 1

Chapter 1- The Loss of Facebook Friends

It is the story of a district in twenty-first century India. It had a town of pure beauty but no one had time to notice it. The town had great food which helped keep its denizens' instagram accounts active. #Instalassi #InstaKachori #InstaHouseflyInMyTea were some of the common hashtags originating from the town. The villages in the district had InstaGram Panchayats. The town also had historical monuments but they were mostly used by the denizens as backgrounds for duckface selfies for profile pictures on Facebook accounts. Life ran smoothly everywhere and there was no dearth of social media usernames. It was a happy town.

In that town, lived a merchant by the name of Merch. He had a friend called Goodies. Yes, the town had its own cool Merch and Goodies! I am not making this up! Actually, I am making this up but, whatever. One day, Goodies and Merch were scrolling through Merch's Candy Crush score and they realized that although it was impressive, there were still levels to be unlocked and candies to be crushed.

Goodies said to Merch, 'Hey friend, although you may play Candy Crush and Candy Crush Saga all day and send invitations to all your friends, if you do not use your credit card to buy more points via in-app purchases, you are not doing enough. In life there are many moments when we think we are doing the right thing or the appropriate thing but, the truth is- doing the right thing is not enough. You have to reach out and grab opportunities, bribe your way to the elite rooms, spend more money on things that matter... to others and only then will you be respected... by others.'

This motivational speech opened Merch's eyes. Merch was not someone who was easily convinced. But, today his friend had been able to win cool Merch. Ok, now I am just overdoing this joke. Anyway, so, Merch decided that he had to do something more with his Candy Crush account. He was overcome by a will to reach out inside the guts of his laptop and pull new levels of Candy Crush before they were even launched. He wanted to buy so many lives that he became virtually immortal.

He set out with a few friends to a journey. A journey to reach the city of Facebook and find Candy Crush creators. He knew that he had to become the best before everyone stopped caring about the game. A flashback hit him- he had purchased so many fields and owned so much land that he could produce grain and vegetables for the whole country yet, everyone had stopped giving a hoot. He had cried the day he stopped playing Farm Ville because Candy Crush saga was the new thing. All his land, all his sheep, all his cows- all lost to obscurity. He shuddered! He couldn't let any of that happen to him again.

A servant in his caravan came panting. Merch ordered for the cart to be stopped.

'What is it?' He asked.

'It is bad news, sir! Very bad' The servant said, panting.

'Oh just spit it out!' Merch ordered.

'Sir, your friend, Goodies! He posted something against Modi on twitter and now everyone on social media is slinging mud on him.

'Oh, you mean like insults?' Merch asked.

'No sir, actual mud. Some people wearing the colours of Facebook- ie blue and white came and threw mud on his cart', The sentri said,

'Oh, that's bad!'

'Yes sir, and moreover, the bull which was pulling his cart has refused to move. Apparently, the bull being a descendant of Lord Nandi was a staunch BJP supporter' The servant blurted out.

'Hmm... that's serious. I guess we will have to leave the bull in the jungle then.' Merch said.

'It seems so sir. Goodies sir has lost many Facebook friends too. He is in shambles.' Servant said.

'Well, what did he tweet?' Merch asked.

Servant revealed, 'He had just tweeted - "Modi shouldn't be given Visa" and everyone attacked him'

'Isn't it possible that he was talking about Lalit Modi?' Merch frowned.

'Yes sir, but it is too late for explanations. Salman Khan's latest flick is about to hit theaters. The nation's IQ is at an all time low.' Servant said meekly.

'Oh, I see. Let's leave the bull behind. Let Goodies sit in my cart.' Merch ordered and his orders were carried out.

The bull which was left was not really a bhakt though. He had refused to move because his internet was slow and it was taking forever for him to check-in on Foursquare. As the bull's update- 'Just reached Jungle, hope I don't eaten by a Lion... lol' finally got saved, the whole caravan had gone pretty far leaving him.

The jungle incidentally had free WiFi. Only animals who served the Lion named Sunny had the password. Two jackals- subjects of Sunny Lion were sitting near a pond from which the Bull - Brahma was about to drink water. The news that Sunny was about to come to the same pond reached Jack and Kal- the two jackals.

Jack said, 'I am pretty sure Sunny hasn't yet made the WiFi available for Brahma- the Bull.'
Kal said, 'His deeds remind me this story.'
Jack went, 'I am pretty sure we are characters of someone else's story and this story within a story is going to give me a headache but, go ahead.'

And Kal began...

                                                                                                  (To be continued)

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