Fickleness

Fickle
marked by erratic changeableness in affections or attachments; "fickle friends"; "a flirt's volatile affections"

Fickleness
faithlessness: unfaithfulness by virtue of being unreliable or treacherous

There is more than one way of being and acting fickle. You may not call yourself fickle but others would might not concur. It is not as subjective either. There are mores, morality and very objective questions. I wouldn't want to be called fickle but, I do agree that there are standards of conduct that keep fluctuating in my head. I would behave in a certain way at a particular point of time which I otherwise wouldn't. I cultivate guilt and feel awkwardness in my throat while trying to swallow my own acts. The throat becomes thornier when I see others easily swallowing the things that are not permissible under my psyche.

Double standards are readily attachable to fickleness. You are so fickle when you do it, but it's ok when I do it. I am an honest hypocrite. Now, what you gonna do?

The batch party

Ah! Finally a batch party was held for us this weekend. It was as happening as my batch (I hope that's not a rhetoric)!

I was given the sucky job of making sure that the girls reach their hostel safely. Just to make it sound cool... I called myself "The Transporter".

Tired

Our seniors graduate tomorrow.... was working my ass off to make the event successful. So freaking tired.

Of Being Oneself

"Just Be Yourself" is the commonest phrase delivered gift-wrapped as advice for free by people to the needful who are too anxious to ask for or pay heed to any sort of advice.

Be yourself, don't stress, just act normal. Isn't the stressed out, abnormal behaviour a part of the person's personality. How can one teach someone to be oneself? No one knows me better than me myself. If I act in a pressure situation in a certain absurd way, am I not being myself?

Or perhaps what they mean is that one should act as one would had there not been any stimulus of pressure or stress situation. But then, isn't that acting abnormally? Acting like everything is fine when it is not?

I think we should abolish the phrase "just be yourself", instead use "just pretend as if nothing happened. Blindfold yourself and jump into the well with a smile." But then it would be a very long phrase for common usage. Anyway, till I get the changes done, you can continue to be yourself.

Fist of Twate.

What is a twist of fate? What is a swing of mood? Are we as illogical as we think, to believe in such things. Lightening strikes and we are happy again? I have started to believe in this crap, I guess. It just strikes. If you believe in falling in love, you should believe in falling out of it. It's funny. It's a wrestling thing. You lose, you win... but you play.

And just like in cricket or any other sport, there are no set champions. A long reigning champ falls on his face, flat! And an underdog pounces to the spot of a top cat! Well, that's heavy stuff. I am here to talk about me. I have not been feeling quite cheerful of late. I thought of romanticizing my situation, saying I may have lost my smile. Well... ! Turns out, even in my most dull days, a silver lining streaks across the mental clouding every now and then.

No mood is permanent. No matter what the etiology.

What not to do in love- Part 1

She was his best friend ever since they first talked. They shared and cared just like true friends do, they knew each others' secrets, could talk till the end of the world and basically shared a fairly marvelous relationship. At times she'd ask him, knowing his heart-on-sleeves nature, whether he expected this relationship to transform into "a relationship." He'd outright deny it not to answer her but to avoid the embarrassment of saying "yes." Self respect is a funny thing. It makes you smile on being slapped and snap on being told a joke... it doesn't let you be yourself- your self respect!

Stealing glances is one of the stupid things they used to indulge in. I mean, c'mon, if you wanna stare at someone's face, do it in a way it doesn't look like you're deriving some sick pleasure out of it. Lovers are perverts... not that they were lovers, but... their friendship could have very well lead them to the unsafe waters of ocean called love.

Other stupid things include-- expecting phone calls at 2 am in the night, blaming each other for everything bad that happened to them... and the list goes on.

One day, the guy "decided" that he was in love. Enough is enough!

He went up to the girl, shameless, no blushes... and said he "thought" he was in love with her. She was amused; which was slightly embarrassing to the guy. She didn't like where he was taking their relationship, she knew it wasn't love; for her the guy could be anyone but a lover! A good friend, a special friend, brother... anything! The guy, on the other hand, was trying to get the birdie inside a cage. Cage of love!

He realised it wasn't to be. Thought he should curb these thoughts if he wanted the life to go back on the routine track.... tricky business. The thoughts haunted him day in and day out.... almost one year passed with the ghost of love.

One year later.... she found someone who looked good, smiled a lot and made love seem a little less crime-like. Our loverboy was left grumbling. He too moved on though...

Lesson: Love is not a crime. Don't let your girl feel otherwise. Love is to be proposed, not to be confided!

Story thus far....

Ok... It's about time the regular doses showed some regularity... As you can guess, there's nothing of much consequence going on in my life... my b'day just passed by, my sweetheart friends got me certain touching presents... and I got at ease with my ahem... ex... *ahem*.... and did a few mischiefs here and there in college.

Anyway, I have a plan of a series .... of blog entries... it's fiction, it's romantic and it's humourous. Don't know how it will go but it is all based on the dictum that one should never take himself so seriously that life starts taking itself seriously. The dictum is mine of course!

See subsequent blog entries for consequences....