Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Monday, 27 February 2012
Interesting people found travelling: The Casanova
Around the world with Expedia contest by http://www.expedia.co.in contest reminded me of another one of the gems that I met during another excruciatingly long train journey of mine. The train was the legendary Sanghamitra Express connecting the classy, posh, refined, urban Bangalore city to the rustic, loud, gregarious, tolerant and tenacious Patna! I was onboard to attend my cousin's wedding in Varanasi. It was a 40+ hours journey and I had prepared my mind to be zombified with boredom, but fate had other plans! The universe had conspired and connived to entertain the heck out of me, to keep me rolling in the alleys, laughing, snorting, and laughing some more. Ok, maybe I exaggerated a bit, the point is- I met a hilarious guy in the train.
Now there are two types of funny guys in this big bad world. One- who know they are funny and the other kind- who are quite unaware of their own hilarity. This guy was a cross breed! He though he was being funny but he was funny for the lameness of his endeavours, not their hilarity.
So here goes the story-
I take my berth, gulp some water, brace myself for the onslaught of boredom and catch a guy giving me a blank, cold, stare. He goes in pure Bhojpuri- "Yes I am talking to you! Do you think you can ignore me whenever you want?" Startled, baffled- I politely ask- "Excuse me?" only to notice the earphones neatly tucked in his ears hiding under those long locks coloured with the weirdest shade of burgundy. His French-beard, short stature and Rajpal Yadav like mannerisms all added up to write L-O-S-E-R on his forehead in capitals. He frowned at me and went back to his phone-talk, I simpered. "Arti, I am sorry, after all you're my wife, na? Who will I shout at if not at you?" Hmm.. lovers' tiff. I smiled to myself. "Sweet".
"Prachi, I love you, how can you even think I can be cheating on you?" he went again some 20 minutes after hanging up to "Arti". "Oh! So this loser is going behind the back of his own wife!" I thought to myself. All the sweet things I had thought about Arti and him started vanishing. "Prachi, you're my wife na? You're my wifey wife na? You're my shona! Mwaah!" he went on. Ohh.. k.. I deduced that this guy isn't all that married as I thought him to be. Actually his idea of romance is to call all his girlfriends- his wives. "Naaice" I murmured. "Two-timing loser that he is, at least he's not afraid to commit."
It was 2 am, he had marked his territory on the uppermost berth and had permanently acquired the mobile phone charging unit for his private use. I was half asleep when I heard him say- "This TTE has annoyed me so much! Pooja, if you'd have not made me promise not to hit anyone, I'd have broken that guy in half!" I giggled to myself and went back to listening to songs on my earphone. He was beginning to annoy me. Three girlfriends? Really?
Next day, an elderly gentleman sitting in the same compartment coughed a little, the weather as it changes from Bangalore toward the Northern part of the country can mess with peoples' immune system. It can be felt even in the air-conditioned coach. A concerned Prachi from the other side asked whether it was Alok (Yes, from his continuous bragging and calling himself in third person, I could make out that his name was Alok) who coughed. The braggart went- "Yes, it was me janu! It's ridiculous! You can sense whenever the slightest thing is wrong with me." I think the elderly coughing gentleman felt cheated. But, Alok couldn't care less. I was amazed how a simple cough can bring two hearts together. One of them made of gooey jet black tar.
Alok carried a laptop and stayed connected with Tata Photon. Seriously Tata Photon could have used a better brand ambassador. When he was not playing loud Bhojpuri songs, he was busy making "fransip" on Facebook. How do I know? Because it was at least three times that I heard him say- "Hey! Is this Ritu/ Priya/ Roopa/ (any other random name)? Hey just found your profile interesting..." and go on to flirt shamelessly. By the end of the conversation, he'd be married to the girl!
I don't know whether India has suddenly started manufacturing gullible girls or he was a really good con-artist, whatever it was- it was sickening and hilarious at the same time.
The phenomenon reached its crescendo when he changed his religion during one of his endeavours. He said- "Hello? Is this Razia? This is Shohaib speaking...."
When he googled a "kalma" and read it out loud on phone to impress her, I couldn't help but give myself a "face-palm" and that was the time when I saw him smiling and winking at me. I winked back at him! I felt tainted. I felt maggots creep under my skin!! I wish I could take my wink back!
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Friday, 24 February 2012
Looks like I am a Versatile Blogger!
Hey lookey here! Guess who has a versatile blogger badge now! That's right fellas and dames, it's me... the legendary ABD! Ok, enough of the cockiness although yes, I am humbled and honoured to receive this badge from Devan. Thank you from the bottom of my blog. I know, with great power, comes great responsibility. Now as the rules say-
1.Paste this award on your blog.
2. Thank the person who gave you this award.
4. Share 7 random facts about yourself.
Hmm... Let's do this. Ok, let's see.
1. Paste the award- DONE!
2. Thank awesome Devan. - DONE!
3. Pass the award-
I'd like to extend this award to-
1. Kiran- Tarun
7. Kinara
8. Saru
9. Deepak
10. Dhara ka blog
11. Pooja Menon
15. Ana
16. Subho's
17. kajal
Ok, I know I exceeded the limit but that's how I roll. I am sure most of y'all must already have received this so, I'll force it down your throats like that obnoxious aunty at the birthday party who shoves the cake down your throat saying- "Ek hamaare haath se bhi kha lo!!"
Coming to the final ritual. 7 random facts about me-
1- I'm a small town boy. I dream of a big city lifestyle.
2. I had a crush on Nandita Das as a kid.
3. I preserve books. Hate dog-ears.
4. Mosquitoes bite me a lot. They say my blood must be sweet.
5. I draw cartoons
6. I have been chronicling my love life
7. Although I am a dentist, I wish to be a world renowned author some day.
Ok, that's it. All those people who have been awarded- congratulations!! Those who couldn't make it to the list, better luck next time!
Just kidding, EL-O-EL!
B'Bye!
Why did the patient commit suicide?
In the Department of Oral Medicine and Radiology. PG Clinic
In the Dept of Oral medicine and Radiology. UG clinic- case discussion.
In the Department of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery. Case discussion.
In the Department of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery. Internal Case. Elaborate Case History.
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Professors of my college.
They have quirky ways indeed. Here I expose some of them with my hidden cam! Have fun nodding in agreement!
मुझको पहचान लो मैं हूँ... भ्रष्टाचार !
इंडिया में
लोगों ने,
लगाए,
खूब नारे
आया हूँ,
लेकर मैं,
फिर कितने
घोटाले!
ज़रा देखो कौन आ गया है!
ज़माने पे जो छा गया है!
अमीर मुझको सारे सराहें
गरीब बैठके भरते हैं आहें!
ऐसा दिलदार आया है कौन!
अन्ना हजारे क्यूँ है मौन!
मौन मौन मौन!
मैं इकोनोमी की,
भाजी बनाके,
आम आदमी की लेता
बद्दुआ!
न मुझको गम है,
न मुझको शिकवा,
आम आदमी मेरा,
उखाड़ेगा क्या?
अच्छा बच्चा जो, चुनाव में खड़ा हो.
रहता नहीं दुनिया में....
बोहोत ही खतरनाक हूँ मैं!
हर एक पल में चालाक हूँ मैं!
बोलो सब चुप क्यूँ हो तुम?
क्यूँ हो मौन?
मौन!!
मुझको पहचान लो मैं हूँ... भ्रष्टाचार !
Find the original song in the movie- Don. Directed by Farhan Akhtar.
100% Real- The Kissan 100% Real Blogger Contest
This is about the Kissan 100% Real Blogger Contest on Indiblogger. Check it out- The contest.
I have grown up in a small town and have had many "real" experiences. The best part is the unadulterated love and the feeling of a well-knit family. Here, I'd like to share with you some of the "real" experiences of my life.
The caring grandfather.
My grandfather is a very caring and loving soul. He used to watch out for me all the time and used to panic whenever I used to fall or collide. He still does but, now I am a big boy and he knows that I can take care of myself. He still is generous with his words of caution and I soak it all in because I know it's his love speaking. When I had newly learned riding the bicycle, I used to ride in my colony and it was ok, but the first time I wanted to take it to my school and "show off", he was worried. He gave me his word of caution and I heard him, took mental notes, I was nervous too. When I set off in the morning for school, I heard the sound of his Luna, turned around to see that he was ready to come with me. He drove by side, watching out and taking care of me. I still can't forget that day.
The helpful strangers
This one also involves me and my bicycle. I was crossing the road once on my cycle when a motorbike ran into me and I lost my balance, my bike fell and I fell on ground- wrist first! Soon there was a crowd. A shopkeeper came with an ice-pack, another shopkeeper from the nearby store took me to his shop, made me sit and calmed me down. I see accidents happening today and people not doing a thing to help the strangers. Times- they are a-changing!
The Diwali cleaning
Every year, on diwali, me and my Dad climb up the attics and clean up all the dust to please Lord Ganesha and Goddess Lakshmi. The cloth-piece across our nose, the broom cleaning up spider-webs from the nooks and crannies, the way we work as a team, sharing that special bond and the love toward our abode- make this experience 100% real.
My stubborn childhood
I was an undemanding, simple kid as a child but there is one blot on my record. Once we were on a trip, I was some 3-4 years old and we went to visit a family. In their home, there was a toy dog neatly kept in the drawing room shelf! I don't remember it but my parents tell me that I threw a huge tantrum until the toy was taken out and given to me. I still have that dog with me, at my home. It stays in the drawing room shelf looking at me, telling me that I wasn't a 100% real good boy! I don't know why but that feeling makes me warm from inside.
There are many such stories that I can go on and on about but, I must conclude here that life is as real as you make it. Being true to oneself will make your every experience real. So, love truly and live happily.
I have grown up in a small town and have had many "real" experiences. The best part is the unadulterated love and the feeling of a well-knit family. Here, I'd like to share with you some of the "real" experiences of my life.
The caring grandfather.
My grandfather is a very caring and loving soul. He used to watch out for me all the time and used to panic whenever I used to fall or collide. He still does but, now I am a big boy and he knows that I can take care of myself. He still is generous with his words of caution and I soak it all in because I know it's his love speaking. When I had newly learned riding the bicycle, I used to ride in my colony and it was ok, but the first time I wanted to take it to my school and "show off", he was worried. He gave me his word of caution and I heard him, took mental notes, I was nervous too. When I set off in the morning for school, I heard the sound of his Luna, turned around to see that he was ready to come with me. He drove by side, watching out and taking care of me. I still can't forget that day.
The helpful strangers
This one also involves me and my bicycle. I was crossing the road once on my cycle when a motorbike ran into me and I lost my balance, my bike fell and I fell on ground- wrist first! Soon there was a crowd. A shopkeeper came with an ice-pack, another shopkeeper from the nearby store took me to his shop, made me sit and calmed me down. I see accidents happening today and people not doing a thing to help the strangers. Times- they are a-changing!
The Diwali cleaning
Every year, on diwali, me and my Dad climb up the attics and clean up all the dust to please Lord Ganesha and Goddess Lakshmi. The cloth-piece across our nose, the broom cleaning up spider-webs from the nooks and crannies, the way we work as a team, sharing that special bond and the love toward our abode- make this experience 100% real.
My stubborn childhood
I was an undemanding, simple kid as a child but there is one blot on my record. Once we were on a trip, I was some 3-4 years old and we went to visit a family. In their home, there was a toy dog neatly kept in the drawing room shelf! I don't remember it but my parents tell me that I threw a huge tantrum until the toy was taken out and given to me. I still have that dog with me, at my home. It stays in the drawing room shelf looking at me, telling me that I wasn't a 100% real good boy! I don't know why but that feeling makes me warm from inside.
There are many such stories that I can go on and on about but, I must conclude here that life is as real as you make it. Being true to oneself will make your every experience real. So, love truly and live happily.
Interesting people: Another gem
Ok, this is again about the interesting people found while traveling contest by Expedia. Visit - Expedia http://www.expedia.co.in/ and fly up, up and away.
The child who kicked me in the face!
It's funny how when people are made to sit together for a while, a certain sense of familiarity grows and engulfs each soul. I am talking about train compartments especially in long train journeys. I am a frequent traveler by train and am now almost used to 36-hour journeys as my home is in Madhya Pradesh and I have been studying in Karnataka. These journeys are tiring and there is nothing to look forward to except watching paddy fields pass by, watching cows graze and rivulets flow, watching vendors scream and eunuchs pester passengers! As the train cuts across Andhra to Maharashtra to MP, the landscape changes, peoples' facial forms change, the snouts of the cattle-folk also show a visible change. But, nothing fascinating!
During one such journey of mine, I sat with a family of three- a mother, a son and a daughter. The daughter was an all knowing granny, merely 4-5 years old. Her name was Moksha. She went on about how she hated boys and what she thinks the problem with the world is! She was very chatty and sometimes annoying. Seeing a picture of me and my girlfriend on my mobile, she asked- "Is she your sister?" I went "uhhhh... no, we are just friends.." looking helplessly to her mother. Her mother seemed like she had her hands full with the baby brother of Moksha. His name was Daksh. I liked their names. Had a nice ring to them.
I shifted my attention to Daksh, feeling somewhat embarrassed by Moksha. Thinking that the baby would at least not ask these questions. Oh, how little did I know! "Can I hold him aunty? You may take a nap, it's a long journey!" I asked aunty. The lady thankfully didn't think that I was a baby-thief, I looked decent, I mean I look decent but, there are days when I look like a chambal dacoit! Precisely the days when I run out of shave gel and freshly laundered clothes. But, let's not go there.
So, I held the baby and went "Olelele cho chweet!" until I got a kick to my teeth. It was an awfully strong kick for a baby. I heard a chuckle! Apparently the baby was amused by my expressions after getting kicked. He tried it again! And it was funny.. to him and Moksha! The sister also joined in the party, she liked pulling my hair. It was a nice relief because two "kickers" would have been too much to take. One "kicker" and one "puller" created just the right balance.
After half an hour of afternoon nap, aunty woke up to see me being annihilated by her children. She pulled them away and rescued me, the rescue operation went for another good three minutes as Moksha had a firm grip and Daksh had started having fun! It was like snatching away a toy from a baby. Only that this toy had feelings.
One hour later, Daksh was playing in my lap and Moksha was telling me the list of her best friends in school. I guess, sometimes there's a price you need to pay to get to talk to the little brats. For me the the price was acute reversible pulpitis in my left central incisor and a few hair lost. Not a big deal!
The child who kicked me in the face!
It's funny how when people are made to sit together for a while, a certain sense of familiarity grows and engulfs each soul. I am talking about train compartments especially in long train journeys. I am a frequent traveler by train and am now almost used to 36-hour journeys as my home is in Madhya Pradesh and I have been studying in Karnataka. These journeys are tiring and there is nothing to look forward to except watching paddy fields pass by, watching cows graze and rivulets flow, watching vendors scream and eunuchs pester passengers! As the train cuts across Andhra to Maharashtra to MP, the landscape changes, peoples' facial forms change, the snouts of the cattle-folk also show a visible change. But, nothing fascinating!
During one such journey of mine, I sat with a family of three- a mother, a son and a daughter. The daughter was an all knowing granny, merely 4-5 years old. Her name was Moksha. She went on about how she hated boys and what she thinks the problem with the world is! She was very chatty and sometimes annoying. Seeing a picture of me and my girlfriend on my mobile, she asked- "Is she your sister?" I went "uhhhh... no, we are just friends.." looking helplessly to her mother. Her mother seemed like she had her hands full with the baby brother of Moksha. His name was Daksh. I liked their names. Had a nice ring to them.
I shifted my attention to Daksh, feeling somewhat embarrassed by Moksha. Thinking that the baby would at least not ask these questions. Oh, how little did I know! "Can I hold him aunty? You may take a nap, it's a long journey!" I asked aunty. The lady thankfully didn't think that I was a baby-thief, I looked decent, I mean I look decent but, there are days when I look like a chambal dacoit! Precisely the days when I run out of shave gel and freshly laundered clothes. But, let's not go there.
So, I held the baby and went "Olelele cho chweet!" until I got a kick to my teeth. It was an awfully strong kick for a baby. I heard a chuckle! Apparently the baby was amused by my expressions after getting kicked. He tried it again! And it was funny.. to him and Moksha! The sister also joined in the party, she liked pulling my hair. It was a nice relief because two "kickers" would have been too much to take. One "kicker" and one "puller" created just the right balance.
After half an hour of afternoon nap, aunty woke up to see me being annihilated by her children. She pulled them away and rescued me, the rescue operation went for another good three minutes as Moksha had a firm grip and Daksh had started having fun! It was like snatching away a toy from a baby. Only that this toy had feelings.
One hour later, Daksh was playing in my lap and Moksha was telling me the list of her best friends in school. I guess, sometimes there's a price you need to pay to get to talk to the little brats. For me the the price was acute reversible pulpitis in my left central incisor and a few hair lost. Not a big deal!
Sunday, 19 February 2012
Saturday, 18 February 2012
Interesting people found travelling.
Yes, this is about the Indiblogger contest by Expedia. Check out the website at
http://www.expedia.co.in.
Being an aquarian, I have this typical trait of silently observing people and taking down mental notes. I am one of those who sit in the corner, almost invisible, smiling to themselves while watching people do what people do. I have met my share of the quirky and the awesome. Long journeys can be tedious and some free on-board entertainment never harmed anyone. Here are a few gems-
The shirtless bugger.
This one walks away with the tag of being the most annoying yet entertaining fellas I've seen while travelling. It was an overnight bus journey from my hometown Chhatarpur, a small town in Madhya Pradesh to my maternal Grandfather's place in Gwalior (MP). The bus makes a small halt at an almost non-existent town somewhere down
the road, a few villagers alight and hops in a lean, young guy, in his early
20's I assume, half drunk, with the snobbish smirk of a five-star hotel
employee.
As the conductor approached him for the ticketing business, he gave him
a warm tight hug and with much adoration in his eyes, almost as if meeting a
long lost brother, said, "Did you recognize me? You have to recognize me.
How can you forget me?" Taken a little aback, the conductor carefully
studied his face and came to the conclusion that he is just a drunk lunatic, a
clan fairly abundant in the poverty stricken areas of Madhya Pradesh. Acknowledging
the fact that the bus was already halfway through the woods and throwing the
guy out would be a bit inhumane, the conductor made one of the biggest mistakes
of that day in his life. He started humouring the guy. The guy went on about how his and the conductor's father go back in time where they sold samosas at a shop and how the business collaboration fell apart because the conductor's father had cheated his father and fled.
Seems like, now that he had "finally" caught hold of him, the guy wanted to settle the score. This was it, the fuse was lit, the conductor shoved the guy to an empty seat, made him sit and shouted out loud that he was throwing him out at the next stop! He went to the driver to convey the message only to turn around and find that the lunatic had taken off his shirt, and was hugging a fellow passenger- some 15-16 year old male who was simpering, caught in the awkward situation, was trying to get out of the bear hug.
The conductor came back running. The rules had changed now, the lunatic was no longer claiming anything pertaining to the conductor or his father whatsoever, it was like he almost forgot why he even boarded the bus. He expressed his fear saying that the world was out there to get him and rob him of his money- which he had none. Most passengers had started giggling by now, few were fearful of the lunatic, admittedly I fell in the latter group.
Suddenly he put his hand in his underwear and took out a bundle of ten rupee notes, it would have been hardly fifty-sixty rupees there but he held it with pride, saying that he just needed to reach somewhere safe, he didn't mind the price at all. He also spelled out the "somewhere safe" place's idea of his- he meant a country liquor bar. He got up, hugged the conductor, got all emotional and said, "Bhaiya, I'll miss you, just give me fifty rupees and drop me at a country liquor bar. I will.... hold on bhaiya, hold on... I think I need to pee, can you please stop the bus now?"
The conductor complied. He seemed fed up and as the lunatic got down he shouted "Just drive!!" to the driver. The passengers were amused, while some wondered what would have happened to the guy and whether it was ethical to leave him in the middle of the woods, and as you usual I belonged to the latter group. But I guess he had earned it! That little bugger!! We didn't hear him chasing the bus or at least shouting for the bus to stop. It was weird because he sounded drunk but not so much wasted. I looked through the window and saw a few pale, dim lights across the road, a few shacks in the middle of nowhere! There would have been no way the lunatic wanted to reach this place all this while! There could have been no way this would be planned! Was it? The bus was the last one of the night on this route! The conductor would never have agreed if the lunatic would have told him that he wanted to go to this village. All I can say is- if it was a plan, it was pure evil.
That time, I was terrified of the guy but when I now think of him, I remember a guy who made my boring bus journey memorable. Trust me, he is not alone. I invite the reader to visit the interiors of Madhya Pradesh and be amused at the way people are holding up against poverty and unemployment. When life snatches away the smiles, you just learn new ways to laugh.
Friday, 17 February 2012
जन्मदिन की बधाई
सोया तो नहीं,
इसलिए नहीं,
की नींद नहीं आई
बल्कि लेनी थी सबसे
जन्मदिन की बधाई.
रात भर जागा,
बहुत मार खाई
नाचे सारी रात
खूब कमर हिलाई.
गालों को मिला केक,
पिछवाड़े में चपत खाई.,
एक मुंह ही रह गया,
जिसकी बारी न आई
जन्मदिन की बधाई
इसलिए नहीं,
की नींद नहीं आई
बल्कि लेनी थी सबसे
जन्मदिन की बधाई.
रात भर जागा,
बहुत मार खाई
नाचे सारी रात
खूब कमर हिलाई.
गालों को मिला केक,
पिछवाड़े में चपत खाई.,
एक मुंह ही रह गया,
जिसकी बारी न आई
जन्मदिन की बधाई
Thursday, 16 February 2012
My birthday!!
15 Feb 2012 will be a memorable day in the life of Mr. ABD. It was a day full of happening things and cool stuff. The day was LEGEN.... wait for it...
The day started at 12 midnight with me getting my arse kicked and handed to me... big time...
The day started at 12 midnight with me getting my arse kicked and handed to me... big time...
I get nightmares just by thinking about the kicks I received.
In the night we danced like crazy at my room. Till like 4 am! We played cards later on.
It was a crazy crazy dance routine.
In the morning, I woke up at 8 and went to college. Sleep deprived, I came back at 9:30 while visiting the temple. Then slept till 12 noon. After that, went for attendance to college. Was still hungover from the night.
In the second half, I and Abhishek were sent to invigilate the Oral Surgery, second internal exam. Tried my best to help the juniors... reminiscing my own days. In the evening, had a chat with Dr. Shivaprasad where he made us all smile with his witty remarks.
Later in the night, went for a dinner treat at Sai International Hotel, there I cut the cake again and had loads of fun. :-)
Thus, my 24th birthday went on to become one of the best ones.
Love to all my friends!!
wait for it...
..
..
....
...
DARY!!
Monday, 13 February 2012
Girls decoded!
One of the most written about topics is "fashion". It's about being comfortable in your own skin, being yourself, presenting the best that is within you, being stylish, not following the herd and so on. What I think of fashion is largely insignificant because I am not a style icon admittedly. I am one of those guys you cross off when you start making a list of guys who dress well. I am eliminated in the first round; and to substantiate that, I'd like to admit that I don't have a pair of nice jeans at the moment, I don't wear a belt with my trousers, I wear flip-flops to weekend parties, my socks sometimes smell and my shirt sleeves are not longer than my coat sleeves. So, please read this article at your own risk.
"Fashion is always about who you are!" If I hear that cliche one more time, I swear I'll puke. We are all born insecure, crying, seeking attention. We remain the same whole of our lives; except the crying part is replaced by more refined rituals. Rituals such as dressing up. I like to classify girls into the following categories based on the way they carry forward these rituals:-
Type 1- I hate all things pink.
These are tomboys with a confused sense of identity. Growing up with three-four brothers and no sister makes these girls' view toward "all things pink" a bit derogatory. Can be seen sporting large tractor tyres for ear-rings. Use a pair of tweezers carefully to explore the scalp under the dry strands of hair; you might break the eggs sparrows laid there. A nose ring can sometimes be seen, which is the only way to shout out "I am a girl, Goddamnit!" to her secret crush. Ask her to differentiate between mascara, eye-liner, eye-shadow, kohl and kajal and watch as her brain short-circuits.
Type 2- I am cute and I know it.
She has annoying "Hello Kitty" stickers on everything she owns. Carries a pink phone, a pink laptop; uses phrases like "ohmyGod!", "like I care" etc. Crosses her legs even before her bum touches the bench. You click a photo of her yawning, making a face or accidentally blinking and she'll pounce on you like a kitten screaming "delete it, delete it, delete it... or our friendship is over!" May annoy with their continuous self-indulgence. They follow up your serious talk with "Do you like my new nail-paint? Should I go with maroon or red? Forget it! I'll go with maroon!" One tip- Never go shopping with type 2. You'll die.
Type 3- I am not cute but I don't know it.
Type 3 is actually pseudo-type 2. Can be seen wearing sleeveless tops with their hairy armpits on display. She smells like a perfume shop exploded. You praise her because you respect all the effort she puts in to look good. Her facebook profile is full of mug shots, pouts and weird socially unacceptable expressions and gestures. Scratch the surface and you might find that she has wisdom, sense of humour and all things nice. Wish she wasn't trying so hard.
Type 4- The Princesses
You can also call them the "I am not cute and I know it" girls. Now these are my favourite ones. These are what I call the real fashionistas. They hide their oversize waists with intelligently placed hemlines. They mix and block colours like a pro. They know how the way they wrap a scarf can change the way they look. You can call them fat and not expect a shriek that blows away ships at the dock.
Type 5- The real tomboys.
They are the ones with serious masculine traits. They are not afraid to burp and fart in public. They sport a disturbing amount of facial hair. Sooner or later they transform to either type 4 or type 3.
Type 6- The world isn't so fair
Here we have the dual personalities. These are the ones with really cute profiles as kids but as they grew up, they disappointed everyone. Pimples, skin allergies, bone growth pattern- whatever it was, it made them cranky. Now their feelings and plunging necklines are on display. They have good and bad fashion days. Make almost intelligible remarks that sometimes you almost believe them until they wear an outrageous and disgusting dress and say mean things about a poor little girl sitting in the corner.
Type 7- The average ones
You never notice them until they drape a saree in someone's wedding. Behind those nerdy glasses and loose T-shirts is a princess who suffers with low self esteem. They make great listeners and friends. They are invisible most of the time. Hiding behind hooded sweatshirts, boring pony-tails and two-tone colour combinations with the two colours being gray and navy blue.
So here's how I know girls. Let me know if you know any more types and Let the good times roll!
"Fashion is always about who you are!" If I hear that cliche one more time, I swear I'll puke. We are all born insecure, crying, seeking attention. We remain the same whole of our lives; except the crying part is replaced by more refined rituals. Rituals such as dressing up. I like to classify girls into the following categories based on the way they carry forward these rituals:-
Type 1- I hate all things pink.
These are tomboys with a confused sense of identity. Growing up with three-four brothers and no sister makes these girls' view toward "all things pink" a bit derogatory. Can be seen sporting large tractor tyres for ear-rings. Use a pair of tweezers carefully to explore the scalp under the dry strands of hair; you might break the eggs sparrows laid there. A nose ring can sometimes be seen, which is the only way to shout out "I am a girl, Goddamnit!" to her secret crush. Ask her to differentiate between mascara, eye-liner, eye-shadow, kohl and kajal and watch as her brain short-circuits.
Type 2- I am cute and I know it.
She has annoying "Hello Kitty" stickers on everything she owns. Carries a pink phone, a pink laptop; uses phrases like "ohmyGod!", "like I care" etc. Crosses her legs even before her bum touches the bench. You click a photo of her yawning, making a face or accidentally blinking and she'll pounce on you like a kitten screaming "delete it, delete it, delete it... or our friendship is over!" May annoy with their continuous self-indulgence. They follow up your serious talk with "Do you like my new nail-paint? Should I go with maroon or red? Forget it! I'll go with maroon!" One tip- Never go shopping with type 2. You'll die.
Type 3- I am not cute but I don't know it.
Type 3 is actually pseudo-type 2. Can be seen wearing sleeveless tops with their hairy armpits on display. She smells like a perfume shop exploded. You praise her because you respect all the effort she puts in to look good. Her facebook profile is full of mug shots, pouts and weird socially unacceptable expressions and gestures. Scratch the surface and you might find that she has wisdom, sense of humour and all things nice. Wish she wasn't trying so hard.
Type 4- The Princesses
You can also call them the "I am not cute and I know it" girls. Now these are my favourite ones. These are what I call the real fashionistas. They hide their oversize waists with intelligently placed hemlines. They mix and block colours like a pro. They know how the way they wrap a scarf can change the way they look. You can call them fat and not expect a shriek that blows away ships at the dock.
Type 5- The real tomboys.
They are the ones with serious masculine traits. They are not afraid to burp and fart in public. They sport a disturbing amount of facial hair. Sooner or later they transform to either type 4 or type 3.
Type 6- The world isn't so fair
Here we have the dual personalities. These are the ones with really cute profiles as kids but as they grew up, they disappointed everyone. Pimples, skin allergies, bone growth pattern- whatever it was, it made them cranky. Now their feelings and plunging necklines are on display. They have good and bad fashion days. Make almost intelligible remarks that sometimes you almost believe them until they wear an outrageous and disgusting dress and say mean things about a poor little girl sitting in the corner.
Type 7- The average ones
You never notice them until they drape a saree in someone's wedding. Behind those nerdy glasses and loose T-shirts is a princess who suffers with low self esteem. They make great listeners and friends. They are invisible most of the time. Hiding behind hooded sweatshirts, boring pony-tails and two-tone colour combinations with the two colours being gray and navy blue.
So here's how I know girls. Let me know if you know any more types and Let the good times roll!
नींद नहीं आई
रात को आज नींद नहीं आई,
तकिया गुलगुला, मखमली रजाई
अलग हटा के हम उठ बैठे,
निकले बाहर अकड़े ऐंठे,
कदम बढे बाहर को निकले,
ओस की बूँदें मोती पिघले.
कुत्तों ने एक झुण्ड बनाई
भूंक भूंक के सभा बुलाई,
मसले का कोई हल न निकला
पानी बरसा, शीशा पिघला.
रास्ता सूना, सड़क अँधेरी,
चौकीदार को हो गयी देरी,
पुलिस ढूंढें अपराध का रेकेट
शटर गिरा दुकानें सोयी,
सोयी भिखारन दिनभर रोई.
कीड़ो का एक जमघट नाचे,
स्ट्रीट लाइट के फेरे लगा के.
पेड़ खड़े खडताल बजाएं,
पक्षी सब हड़ताल पे जाएं.
आधी रात का मज़ा अलग है,
न सोने की सज़ा अलग है.
Friday, 10 February 2012
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Let The Good Times Roll! (Hedonism)
I saw a kid, sitting on a bench in a park,
wondering if he could stay till it got dark.
Mom and dad would be fighting again,
shouting, yelling, snarling, like dogs bark.
I saw a ninja- without his sword,
sitting all lifeless, sad and bored.
The job didn't pay, he had to quit,
"Will work for money" read his signboard.
I saw a tree- one of its branches cut,
it held to its own, quite unfazed but,
its leaves cried for the dearth of water,
hope left the tree, all doors were shut.
I saw a friend who had a rough day,
his gait all gloomy, hair all grey,
eyes so sad, his smile went amiss,
like a pin in a stack of hay.
Something was common among these all,
they all stuck with their assigned role.
The path to success has a big loophole,
the body knows where to go, but not the soul.
The soul is like a fish, stuck in a fishbowl,
Feeling what it feels, not doing what it's told.
It's a path of thorns, not paved with gold,
When you set aside the task of being as a whole,
you find that your being has a big deep hole,
just like a car's a car, no matter diesel or petrol,
the good times won't come to you, unless
you let the good times roll!
hope left the tree, all doors were shut.
I saw a friend who had a rough day,
his gait all gloomy, hair all grey,
eyes so sad, his smile went amiss,
like a pin in a stack of hay.
Something was common among these all,
they all stuck with their assigned role.
The path to success has a big loophole,
the body knows where to go, but not the soul.
The soul is like a fish, stuck in a fishbowl,
Feeling what it feels, not doing what it's told.
It's a path of thorns, not paved with gold,
When you set aside the task of being as a whole,
you find that your being has a big deep hole,
just like a car's a car, no matter diesel or petrol,
the good times won't come to you, unless
you let the good times roll!
Friday, 3 February 2012
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
The Great Indian Sense Of Humour!
In India, the elder or the more powerful you are, the funnier are your jokes. "Haven't seen you around for quite a while, buddy?" one asks and gets a "hehehehe... you're the one not providing a single glimpse to us mere mortals, sir... hehehe". There is a certain cockiness in the Indian modesty. It is, I dare say, not modesty at all. When complimented on how well we are doing, it seems that we can't take it. The immense pressure to smile in gratitude and thank The Almighty and simultaneously agree with the compliment, all we can let out is a simper and a grin. The cliched words that are said in the reply do not even make any sense- "It's all your mercy, sir.", "God is great, sir" or a simple "Hehehehe ... bas... saab hai.. (It is what it is).
It's so hard to decipher the sense of humour of an individual while it's mighty easy to make a crowd laugh. You sit with someone new, you say something funny and if it doesn't strike a cord, all you'll get is a blank stare. Not even a "confused" or "repulsed" look, just a cold blank stare and you dare not repeat the joke, because anyone has the right to disrespect anyone in this democratic country. While when in a group of 3 or 4, just make a funny face while saying the most mundane things and they'll laugh. All they need is one smile and it multiplies until no one knows why are smiling! The wise ones always find and keep a "smiler" with them when they begin a group conversation. This is mostly the person who is the most needy, sometimes it's just the dumb one.
We Indians, say the most rude things while laughing and strangely no one takes offense. In a nation of mc-bc, we are brought up to be rude to strangers. Well behaved people who respect the queue discipline stay in the queue while the "Hatt bhencho!" ones reach the top of the ladder as the crowd cheers them. We easily imagine that the father is stronger, wiser and more able than the son in every regard and when a son is trying to do something which breaches the norm that we have laid down for him, we ask him- "Tere baap ne kiya hai kabhi?/ yeh toh tera baap bhi nahi kar sakta!/ Iss kaam mein tera baap hoon main!" etc etc. (Has your father ever done this?)! So, when we refer to someone's father, we actually mean someone better. We don't mean to offend, yaar!And it's funny to be rude!
Also, you're not supposed to take offense when someone comments on the way you look. See, we are a country of a gazillion people so, it helps to classify and categorize people. All the north-eastern states, Chinese, Japanese, Nepalese, Thais, basically all the folks with slant eyes are chinki chowmeens! All the south- Indians are Madrasis. All the spectacled nerdy ones are "chashmuddin- bajaye been"s. All the dark ones are kallus, all the fat ones are motus.... and so on! It's funny to us.
Here's a list of a few things that are funny to us-
1. Two people fighting on the street. (Don't you dare separate them! Bring the popcorns!!)
2. Farts! (C'mon! Farts are funny!)
3. Loafers teasing a girl! (I mean those guys are hilarious!)
4. Some dumbass shouting obscene remarks about the actor and the actress in a movie hall! (Who cares for class?)
5. Peeing in public! (I'm sorry, just kidding. Peeing in public is not funny! It's our birthright!)
6. Someone peeing under the signboard "Dekho kutta moot raha hai" (Look! The dog is peeing) (Funny 'cause the person who put up the signboard thought that it'd affect our peeing-ability!)
There are more but I think I should stop! I need to go pee on a wall!
It's so hard to decipher the sense of humour of an individual while it's mighty easy to make a crowd laugh. You sit with someone new, you say something funny and if it doesn't strike a cord, all you'll get is a blank stare. Not even a "confused" or "repulsed" look, just a cold blank stare and you dare not repeat the joke, because anyone has the right to disrespect anyone in this democratic country. While when in a group of 3 or 4, just make a funny face while saying the most mundane things and they'll laugh. All they need is one smile and it multiplies until no one knows why are smiling! The wise ones always find and keep a "smiler" with them when they begin a group conversation. This is mostly the person who is the most needy, sometimes it's just the dumb one.
We Indians, say the most rude things while laughing and strangely no one takes offense. In a nation of mc-bc, we are brought up to be rude to strangers. Well behaved people who respect the queue discipline stay in the queue while the "Hatt bhencho!" ones reach the top of the ladder as the crowd cheers them. We easily imagine that the father is stronger, wiser and more able than the son in every regard and when a son is trying to do something which breaches the norm that we have laid down for him, we ask him- "Tere baap ne kiya hai kabhi?/ yeh toh tera baap bhi nahi kar sakta!/ Iss kaam mein tera baap hoon main!" etc etc. (Has your father ever done this?)! So, when we refer to someone's father, we actually mean someone better. We don't mean to offend, yaar!And it's funny to be rude!
Also, you're not supposed to take offense when someone comments on the way you look. See, we are a country of a gazillion people so, it helps to classify and categorize people. All the north-eastern states, Chinese, Japanese, Nepalese, Thais, basically all the folks with slant eyes are chinki chowmeens! All the south- Indians are Madrasis. All the spectacled nerdy ones are "chashmuddin- bajaye been"s. All the dark ones are kallus, all the fat ones are motus.... and so on! It's funny to us.
Here's a list of a few things that are funny to us-
1. Two people fighting on the street. (Don't you dare separate them! Bring the popcorns!!)
2. Farts! (C'mon! Farts are funny!)
3. Loafers teasing a girl! (I mean those guys are hilarious!)
4. Some dumbass shouting obscene remarks about the actor and the actress in a movie hall! (Who cares for class?)
5. Peeing in public! (I'm sorry, just kidding. Peeing in public is not funny! It's our birthright!)
6. Someone peeing under the signboard "Dekho kutta moot raha hai" (Look! The dog is peeing) (Funny 'cause the person who put up the signboard thought that it'd affect our peeing-ability!)
There are more but I think I should stop! I need to go pee on a wall!
सॉरी जाना
सॉरी जाना,
अब से मेरा
सर मत खाना
खाना हो तो
खाना खाना
गुस्सा हो के
क्या पाओगी
रोते रोते
सो जाओगी
जागोगी तो
याद आएगा
गुस्सा होने
का बहाना
कहता हूँ ना
सॉरी जाना
तुम गुस्सा हो,
मैं गुमसुम हूँ.
गलती मेरी,
मैंने माना.
देखो कितना
अच्छा हूँ मैं.
क्यूट हूँ कितना,
बच्चा हूँ मैं.
सॉरी बोला,
कान पकड़ के
अब तो जाने
दो न जाना!
कहता हूँ न
सॉरी जाना.
अपनी गलती
मैंने मानी,
तुम भी अब तो
मानो जाना.
तुम परियों कीरानी ठहरी
मैं तो सेवक
दास तुम्हारा.
नहीं मानोगी?
लडती हो तुम,
गन्दी हो तुम.
गलती हरदम
करती हो तुम.
मेरा बड़प्पन,
हंसकर फिर भी
कहता आया
सॉरी जाना.
बहुत मनाया,
अब भागो तुम.
रूठा मैं हूँ.
होगा तुमको
मुझे मनाना!
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